i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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