somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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