They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
