I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
