why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
