the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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