I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
