idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
