who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
