what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
