Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
