Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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