I got chris browned last night
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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