I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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