The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
