u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
