I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
