So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
