Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
