Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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