wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
