and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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