She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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