Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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