Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
