his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
