marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
