It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
