..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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