Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
