For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize