The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
