Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
