I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
