Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
