dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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