i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
