Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
