I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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