Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
youre lurking in front of me
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
