I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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