I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
someone owes me an orgasm
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
