3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
