Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
