why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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