never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
