She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize