Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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