why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
