i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
