and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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