just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
