I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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