dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
