I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
