Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
