I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
