Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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