I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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