I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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