My nipple is on Facebook.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
