i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize