i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
