we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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