lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
