i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
