this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
