dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
