it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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