Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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